The experience was so far out there that I just had to share.
Where do I start... the receptionist lady, while quickly and efficiently checking me in (kudos!), talked down to me like it was my first time staying in a hotel ever. I get it, not every American travels much, but please check that condescending tone, lady.
The room felt run down, every single item had signs of decay. Floors, walls, AC, even the fridge had a case of tremors. Apparently, someone puked in the bathtub about 10 years ago and they only tried to clean it yesterday, so some traces remained forever ingrained in the tub. The shower curtain had someone's buttcrack print on the inside, right in the middle. One of the towels was dirty, so it was used as a floor towel, just in case the dark floor was hiding more signs of feisty parties of the past.
Among the many sounds that kept me up at night were people on the above and below floors having conversations and trying to make themselves comfortable on the tiny pillows supplied by a hotel, as well as weird squeaking sounds as if made by small animal. I hope it was someone's rubber ducky.
Having so much quality of entertainment and adventure thrown at me I guess I can say the breakfast was passable. It didn't talk back, didn't bite, and tiny packets or orange juice were only 15% ice and the rest was liquid. No half-and-half for your coffee but plastic utensils were the most flexible (literally).
Overall, I'd rather stay at Holiday Inn Express than come back.